Wednesday, June 28, 2006

me and chef boyardee...

so im on my lunch break, stopped in to write a little about last night....i went to hartsville for a few hours to see jessie, and ended up driving to charlotte to see john mark mcmillan, mark mathis, and the paper tonges...HELLO!!!! what just happened, it was a full on worship fest...no kidding, people dancing, and musicians rockin it out.for sure...it was a good, random, late, flakey night...jessie and i got to have good talks there and back, she is such an answer to prayer...to have a girlfriend close by is such a blessing, and not only do i have A girl friend, but i have lots of them now...very strong, warrior women, who will tell me im in the wrong, and remind me that i am beautiful all at the same time...so very refreshing, to be covered in the gentleness of JAH through these lovely ladies...they all embody such diffrent traits of the lord...i am overwhelmed....
there is a flood coming, im ready, a flood of newness, of realness, of tangible goodness....i dont want to be sleeping...i dont want to be too busy to care....i want to know the Heart of it all. i am tired of weariness, of numbness, of carelessness...
these things that not only bleed us to death, but injure everyone around us. lost focus, lost identity, lost meaning.....how does that profit anyone, or anything??? all it takes is a turn, a crying, a whisper, a crumbling...then a picking up, a holding, a piecing back together....yep, dont wanna miss that now do we? being whole, being healthy.
give me the papers ill sign up right now,
holding out a cup for whatever,
but nothing less than you.
so everything.
holding out my cup for everything....
droping my clothes, my skin, my bones,
all of the things that hold me together
that stand in the way of all that could be.
reaching both hands,
i am not afraid.
you have not given me that spirit.
you are , and you call me to be.

Monday, June 26, 2006

a long time later.....



okay, so ive been avoiding the blog....but im here now, lots of stuff going on, im feeling much better than i did in the last post....it has been quite a while...we have a new critter in our house her name is hana she is a puppy with a personality...she is the bestest...
right now she is sleeping peacefully at my feet, dreaming of eating rocks shoes, and running after sheep i feel sure....
next week is vacation week, and way over due...hahaha...we dont have any plans, maybe some camping, some boating, lots of house cleaning..and maybe just maybe we'll finally finish that pantry....argghhh...
so much is going on with work, i dont even have time to write about it...
we have started going to a new fellowship in hartsville, and that has been wonderful...we are going to be on sabatical for the next 4 weeks, and im really sad, im excited about going back to sandhurst where our family is, but im gonna miss the freedom that is very real at the hcf....it is all yeshua....and bill always brings very pertinant messages...like he was reading my mind all week, and decided he needed to have a word with me in front of lots of other people...hahahaha...no kidding...every time it happens that way...like this sunday he spoke on rest, and newness....hello, that is all ive been able to think about for 3 weeks now, how i need to get over things that happened 10 years ago, and seek freshness, i need to trust that the almighty can take me to even better places in his own strength, not mine...i need to let go of what was, and stop striving to gte that back, i need look forward to what is gonna happen today, right in front of me...arghhhh....it sounds so simple, and i know it is, but my conections are severed, all of the wires that connect the brain and the heart are completely wasted from years of over pressure...trying trying trying...
i got to sit with sweet alex tonight on her front porch...i love her rawness, her ability to look you straight in the face, and call it like she sees it....she is so very aware of her brokeness, and doesnt mind poking at it with a stick to get to the bottom of it...i pray for her healing....that all of those wounds will turn to fresh skin again....she is so wonderful...
ok, gotta go to bed...way too late, and im dozing as i write...ill be back..