clean sheet day!!!!!

so, if you skip to 5:24 you will understand how i feel right now.......oh yes, it is clean sheet day.......crisp, clean and dog hair free!!!! i love this clip for a whole slew of reasons, one being that my mother used to say i reminded her of dharma, and that my due pay back for being a rebellious child would be to marry a man who was straight laced and fully conformed. we'll just look past the fact that beardy man wears vests and sassy shoes....and accept that he listen s to the clash and has had his septum pierced more than once....(for those of you wondering it is in the nose). but i digress.........clean sheet day!!!!!

a good wife, a good mother.

leave me a dish to wash

in the sink

so i can love you tonight

leave me a shirt

in the wash

so i can love you tomorrow

i sweep things away

all day

with nothing to show.

i play wordless songs

and hum quiet tunes

i watch you.

the words resonate

in my ears.....

get up.

go do.

or else

they will

forget you.

i scream back

against the waves

of sickness

you

lie.

i am your mother

i am your wife

this is

because we promised

to each other

to life.

funny,

i never learned

to trust.

chasing dreams.

http://stuffchristianslike.net/2010/04/1-thing-that-changed-the-way-i-chase-dreams/

so i just finished catching up with a couple of posts from one of my favorite blogs, and this one really got me going.....enjoy. im off to play the piano, or guitar, and sing till my throat hurts.

today i learned...........

how to hula hoop....i went through my entire childhood being completely jealous of all the kids who could make that magical ring slip effortlessly around their waists....i would jump and jiggle, pump and wiggle, but to no avail......but today, oh yes, today i picked that hoop up, slung it round my hips like a woman on a mission, and it plummeted to the floor with a crash.....well, i hadnt learned yet......after about an hour of watching my daughter spin not only one hoop, but sometimes two at a time, i figured id give it a shot again, but this time.......going in the other direction......so crank up my nerve, grab the hoop with both hands, right foot one step in front of the left, i wheel back ready to heave the thing with all my might in the direction that seems the stupidest....to the right. i take a deep breath, and swwwwooooooosh....and around again, and again, and again. it hits the sweet spot on my stomach...right around my navel, and glides there round and round again......sweet bliss.....my face relaxes from the contortion i had put it in to keep the hoop up....(you know cause ugly faces make things happen) i get into the groove and settle in for the ride. now i get it......i dont know why all those hula hoop crazed panic fans love their hoops so much, but i know why i love mine......because today i learned that sometimes the right way to do something is in reverse.....the way that seems less comfortable....comfort does not always equal right......tomorrow maybe i can hoop with two like lilli.

nom nom nom.....

okay, so i just had to post this cause it made me laugh, and well laughing should be shared. actually i dont know what is scarier the staple remover or the bottle of purell....ahhhhhhhhhhh!

eeeeeeeeeeeeek!

i would like to take this time to share a bit of insight with you, the readers, that i would like to imagine read this, but who are probably just in my head, because i need to feel validated at all times......(and you the reader who doesnt mind my horrible usage of run on sentences.....whew)

so here is the deal....i am getting ready to watch a movie, not just any movie but the kind of movie that i look forward to with so much anticipation i almost cant stand it....but i dont look forward to it because it is going to make me feel all good inside or teach me valuable lessons, or even because it will make me laugh so hard i pee my pants.....oh no, i will be watching it because it is going to scare the freakin' crap out of me!!!!!

if there is one thing that freaks me out, keeps me up, makes me wake up in cold sweats, it is..............ba ba ba!!!!!!!!! a ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE! i will lie i my bed at night for hours planning escape routes, trying to figure out who i will have the nerve to shoot, and who i will let limp grotesquely out of my house unscathed as i slip out the back window. i have visions of half mangled neighbors clawing their way into my bedroom at night while i sleep.....do i run, or do i go ahead, take the plunge and join the ranks as a brain hungry flesh eater.....????? oh the decisions....what is a girl to do????

my "covered in bees" friend is letting me borrow zombie land, which i hear is actually quite funny. but even with the funny parts, and woody harrelson in all of his fabulousness there will be undead, radioactive, malformed, blood thirsty, nasty breathed zombies walking around.....but i cant wait!!!!!

this is probably a sick disease i have, but i like to think of it more as therapy....or atleast practical preparatory training.

covers pulled up close, telephone close by, dvd ready to go.......!

slip through.

i cant

for the life of me

remember.

where we were

what we said

how i left.

after all the years

of remembering

e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g.

i have nothing.

i come up short.

not even a faint

reminder

i remember

the long drives

what you ate

the smell

of your car.

i remember

how we met

the summer

we slept

on the couch

everyday.

how

did

you

slip

through?

10 reasons why i dont need to drink rum.

1. my name is not preceded by "captain" nor do i wear an eye patch.

2. it is not friendly to my IBS riddled intestines.

3. i can take my family out to eat for the cost of one bottle of my favorite rum.

4. no matter how good it tastes it burns like hell going down.

5. i do ridiculous things in public after about 6 shots, and inevitably someone will have a phone with a video camera on it. you get the picture right?

6. i become overly passionate about whatever i am talking about....and i will hurt feelings with said passion, or get so worked up i spit, or shoot things out of my nose. yes, it has happened.....

7. my mom worries about me when i drink, wether she says so or not.

8. i do not have an off switch when i have had one shot too many, and will continue to "line em' up"

9. it is very difficult the next morning to remember conversations, movie plots, emails i have sent...etc. from the night before.

10. hangovers SUCK!

you may be asking yourself well becky, what is this all about? well, when i was little i told a lie.....i know, *gasp* and you know what my parents made me do? the worst punishment ever!!!!! seriously!!!! it is so horrible i have passed down this form of torture to my own 7 year old. when she lies to my face i..............make her write "i will not tell a lie" 50 times. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! the tediousness, the hand cramps, the eaten up eraser shavings........it is awful!

but while writing over and over again, you get something.....why you are being punished....granted there is a point where your brain checks out and you are just copying the line before it......but somewhere in there is a moment of regret for what you did.....you know that thing that got you into this word riddled mess....so i figured i would take it to the next step and actually write out what sucks about my present day vice. in hopes that at some point it would sink in. i had a serious problem this past year with alcohol, but the Lord is giving me the strength to pass through this day to day. he has given me a reason to stay sober, but last night, well.....i enjoyed the pirates delight. granted i didnt get sloppy drunk, but i still woke up with a cloudy head, and a painful reminder of a promise. The Spirit had a heart to heart with me this morning, which i am grateful for, because it means i am so important to Him that he doesnt want me to wander away. so this little post is going to be a reminder to me for a bit. of atleast 10 reasons why i dont need to drink rum. (and to myself if i am re-reading this you know there is another more important reason, so start praying.) if you are someone else reading this, please pray for me if you think to. please note i am not against alcohol consumption. Jesus turned water into wine, you cant skirt around that....but i know for a fact that me+rum=not so good.

keeping it real.

b.

you know what i like?

*i like really honest people who cry when they are sad, laugh when they are happy, and cuss like sailors when they get really good and worked up.

*i like dirty feet, smelly arm pits, and really weird tan lines that people who live and work outside get, and i like how they dont think anything of them.

*i like the fact that i could throw most of my house in my back yard right now and most of it would decompose with in a few weeks.

*i like watching bad kung-fu movies with my husband....just because i know he likes them.

*i like watching my 2 year old pick her nose.

*i like it more when she realizes i am watching and smiles at me as she puts her "nose treasure" in her mouth.

*i like making ridiculous noises in already awkward situations....seriously try it some time.

*i like watching people open up, and grow.

*i like it even more when i am one of those people.....is that selfish?

*i like my bed more than i will ever admit.

*i like it when people look at me in my eyes, and dont look away when i do the same to them.

when i meet people like this, i wish i was more like that.

*i like it when people feel comfortable enough to walk into my house with out knocking, and i like it even more if they dont steal things.

*i like culture shock.

*i like that there are lots of people who dont like these things.....

no point, just sayin.

and to the hat lady, i like you bunches! thanks for the coffee break.

why the dog food runs out when i am broke and other spiritual conundrums.

so any body who has ever had a pet understands this all too well i am sure of it.....fido sits doe eyed by his food dish. quick glance at his food bowl, sideways glance back at you.....oh no, you are out of dog food!!!! oh crap! the bank account is empty! it happens every freakin' time....of course if you are an animal in my house empty food bag+ empty bank account= table food till payday.....which is never a bad deal for our critters as they happily devour left over sandwiches, and pasta galore! so today while slapping my forehead over the empty food bowl and empty account something Jesus said to his followers in the book of matthew struck me.....i know i know it is funny how that works.....but becky....its dog food....really??????

bear with me.....so i look at pup starting at me like "no really, what are you going to do about this" and i see myself....please save jokes about me looking like a dog, cause well....words hurt..hehe....so yeah, i see myself...empty bowl, looking up at the one who sustains my every need. but where my dog has the faith that i will come through with the food, cause i love her, i instead will look to God, then walk outside to rummage through the trash most times......if my cup is empty i will seek out every way in the book to fill it....but Jesus says pretty directly in matthew 7

⁷"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.⁸For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.

⁹"Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? ¹⁰Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? ¹¹If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! ¹²So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.

seriously, i am talking about my dog here, we dont even want to get into what i would do for my kids!!!! but here He says even we who are evil we will give good gifts to our own...how much more will he give us!!!! BAM!!!! that's right....that's when becky got floored. God wants the absolute best for us.....that might look funny to us sometimes, but why would we want trash when He wants to sustain us with what is perfect for us, and that is always above and beyond what we could imagine for ourselves.....

so when my "bowl" is empty i know where to look. i am not saying i wont still dig in the trash, well because i am a creature of habit, but hopefully every day i will seek out the Lord for my sustenance....not only for my physical needs but first and foremost my eternal needs.

for those of you concerned about my pets and their food situation i assure you they will be dining in style for the next few days. if driving by please note the ring of pasta sauce around gretchen's snout.....:) and the fat belly on BB the cat.