Friday, May 21, 2010

just a note from the queen......

of insecurity that is....
just a friendly reminder that we all know and love people with insecurities.....some hide them well, some not so much, but we keep on loving them right???? i mean in big ways. because we can see them for who they here is the thing.....for those of us with insecurities.......the people who love us, feel pretty much the same way....they still love us. yep....let it soak in. was that?
while insecurities hold us back, we still have them, and gotta deal with them. take your time, pray it through. we will do stupid things that give us away, but just keep on truckin'! i am a firm believer in the fact that we arent presented with a problem unless it is able to be fixed. and i am also a firm believer in the fact that i cant fix anything, so, well. but here is the actually you go find it yourself....go read philippians 1:3-5.

ill talk about this more later. but i must go find beth moore's new book about the subject first or else toni will have to pray for my soul forever. hehe.

yall love hard, love real, love right!

Thursday, May 20, 2010

write a song.

you are prime for a song
to be written about
full of the promise
of rhymes
a three step
with a swing.
the kind
that makes me want to
wear a full skirt,
that sweeps at my feet,
and spin round the kitchen
that kind.
that first verse
would come on sweet
like magnolia
lemony and fresh.
easy baby....
let it ride.
then drilled right to your heart
that burst.
that blood.
that chorus line,
that paints you
like a sunrise,
twist on your heels
ride the refrain
all the way
i know you
burning my heart.
and you are prime
for a song.
a song to be written

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

dear crappy day, you were glad you are almost done.

so yeah, dear crappy day, i hate you, get out of my face.
that pretty much sums up my day. it was one of those days when i woke up tired, rolled into work, someone was out, my name was repeated like a broken record about 3000 times, all the while my brain is reeling at about 4 billion miles an hour, and i am convinced i am the most broken, selfish, worthless, poopiehead ever! so i do what i got to do, try real hard to smile, make a few stupid phone calls that just make me feel even more like a acne ridden 13 year old (no offense to 13 year olds i promise), then i throw down my towel.... literally, and state that "I AM GOING HOME!!!!" so i was about the time i got home i realized i had not eaten a bit of food since lunch the day before, and the fact that i had about 5 hours of sleep under my belt didnt help i had a talk with the Lord about taking better care of my body, and went to bed! after a 2 hour nap i was feeling better, but still hungry, so i picked up the kids, and got something to eat.....ran a few errands, and came back home to cook dinner......then hooped it up with lilli, now i am lounging in my bed whilst my husband puts the baby to bed......well crap, turns out it was a good day after all......awww hell, now i cant complain

dear tomorrow,
after i get a good nights sleep, eat breakfast and get to work where people only call out my name a billion times because they know i have their back, and will help them out, and after i eat lunch with my sweet friends, and hold my kids, and kiss my husband, and freak out about how i still dont know the songs i should know by now for sunday........please be understanding. i am far from having this stuff figured out. i do stupid things, say stupid stuff, trip over my own feet, and all sorts of rif raf seems to follow me about. but that is okay, cause i am not in charge and because well, you werent mine to begin with, and you wont be mine in the end. i just happened to be in you because something really big wanted me here.....and you just happened to happen cause that same something really big saw it fit for you to be here too, so that makes us sort of like family. and i like that.

see you tomorrow, tomorrow,

Wednesday, May 12, 2010


i am having a very hard time with something, so haaaalp me out here.
reading through the book of Mark a couple of days ago i come across something i am sure i have read before but that day out of no where decided to show up at my Jesus party, and throw down a big ole bag of "whatdidyoujustsay?"
all right is the scripture.
Mark 7:24-30
24Jesus left that place and went to the vicinity of Tyre. He entered a house and did not want anyone to know it; yet he could not keep his presence secret. 25In fact, as soon as she heard about him, a woman whose little daughter was possessed by an evil spirit came and fell at his feet.26The woman was a Greek, born in Syrian Phoenicia. She begged Jesus to drive the demon out of her daughter.

27"First let the children eat all they want," he told her, "for it is not right to take the children's bread and toss it to their dogs."

28"Yes, Lord," she replied, "but even the dogs under the table eat the children's crumbs."

29Then he told her, "For such a reply, you may go; the demon has left your daughter."

30She went home and found her child lying on the bed, and the demon gone.

mmmmmmmmm.kay......anything stand out at ya here? i have been battling with this bit of "in my face" for days now. i have cried about this because my insides hurt so bad over it. i have had some bits of understanding coming and going, but really i just want to see what others may have to say about it. so what do you think? did Jesus just call that woman a dog? haaaaaaaalp!

Sunday, May 09, 2010

check yo self!

so today is mothers day. yep....yay us. "achem" (clears throat, wipes tear from eye). well, i am here with my kids and dad is gone....i am still dealing, dont let my over enthusiasm for the day fool serious.....anyways.

so today is "thanktheLorditischurchday" we have been attending newspring church......(go to for a few months now, and we freakin love it! so anyways i have been confronted with something so revolutionary, so spectacular, so unbelievably life really? i can act fool for Jesus in church because those people understand. okay, did you get that? it seems simple, but it really isnt. see, so here is my background. i am a preachers kid. i know (insert stupid remark about stereotypical preachers kids here).....ok, now take stupid remark and stick it in your, just keep it to yourself, stereotypes dont help anybody. so back to my point....i have never felt free to be in church service, i actually feel freer to get wild in worship in my car. why is this you may ask? well....when you grow up in very fundamental churches where stepping out of line is sacrilege you begin to actually believe it is truth...and the people you should be able to be free with, because they understand become a room full of pointing fingers and glaring eyes.....please understand i dont think this is the way it is in all churches, but you know you have probably been in one or two. but for the past couple of weeks i have been dealing with this, just enjoying the movement of the spirit. there are mornings i want to dance, and laugh, but my self holds me back.....silly self. but it is like perry noble said a while back, the people here are supposed to be for us. we dont have to hide our passion for Christ here. i dont want to hide my passion for Jesus anywhere! now, here is the kicker, if there is one thing i have learned in this life it is that, we only see in others what we understand in ourselves, so if i feel like people might be judging my actions or considering me foolish for worshiping the Lord it! ba! baaa!.......BECAUSE I AM INCLINED TO JUDGE OTHERS! ooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. check myself! that is right, i am not guilt free here! it is my own judgement that is holding me back. so this is where it begins, me being made aware of my own judgmental tendencies, and giving them up to be done with that mess, in whatever form it has been manifesting in my life.....i love being poked at with the spirit stick....know why? because that means something is gonna happen.....i freakin' Love the hope we have in Jesus!

so this week, i plan to worship selflessly, and enjoy others expressing their love and passions, however wacky it may seem. why? because i wanna love like Jesus!


Monday, May 03, 2010


oh yes, that is right, i joined the gym today....but not just any ole gym, the women's only fitness world. the amazing giraffe and i joined together tonight, and i cant be more excited about working out with her on a regular basis! so first thing tonight was zumba, if you know me in real life you know i love zumba!!!! i was worried that it wouldn't be what i was used to, my zumba instructor from the other gym is the absolute best ever!!!!! she holds the bar high!!! now let me set the stage for you for this evenings zumba session. picture an open floor, mirrors stretching from left to right, ceiling to floor..... mirror encrusted pillars in the center of the dance floor.....a beautiful muscled, yet curvy woman cusses at the cd player and goes back and forth between hard core hip hop songs, and latin dance rhythms....i am situated in the back right would notice me immediately....why you ask? well because i am as white as vanilla ice. oh yes, the women here are dark and lovely and have come to shake things that i was not born with on my body. the music starts pumping, booties are shakin.....the teacher instructs us to "loosen up" i am afraid if her hips loosen any more they will dislocate, and as i undulate my hips back and forth i sort of remind my self of a large piece of cardboard being bent the wrong way over and over again....i spend the first few minutes just laughing at myself, and noticing that the older lady in front of me has joined me in my laugh.....i LOVED it! there were songs about alcoholics, songs about shaking your money maker, even a prince song.....oh yes, i danced hard to that one.....a few latin based songs that we salsa'd, and cha cha'd to. the teacher threw on a coin belt and shimmied her way to glistening sweat.....oh yes, i will be wearing mine on thursday, you can count on it.....!
anyways, work out, gym, zumba, sweat, the bestest work out buddy a gal could ask for, and a cheap membership......what a good night.
now to get ready for the hurt that awaits me tomorrow morning......ah, it is so worth it!