Monday, January 30, 2006

psalms 119

im very excited, sara and i are gonna read through psalms 119 together. ill post a little here also about how that is going...she is sucha sweet spirit...Yahweh has truely blessed me with some of the loveliest people in my life....i am so gratefull....

Tuesday, January 24, 2006


i told sara i would post a blog on why i chose to call jesus, yeshua, and why i call G*d, yahweh....i promise i will get to this soon....
i went out with a sweet friend last night, coffee, and vietnamese food...yum yum...good talks, good times....more later...


Tuesday, January 17, 2006

the llama song

ok, i am gonna go ahead and point this baby out....this cool guy
(wisconsin rob) sent this to me today, and i got a good chuckle out of it...go to my links to the right there, and it is listed the llama song, just click on it, and hit play when it finishes doing its is silly im warning you...but nothing beats a llama, so dig in....oh yeah, by the way you need to turn on your sound for is a full on song. crank it up baby....oh yeah.

Monday, January 16, 2006

finding your tribe

yes, i realize she is neked, and no that is not me.
been a while since i posted last...ive been a little busy re-doing a is almost done, one more coat of paint, and some finishing touches, and the "love shack" will be complete...
well, lilli got her first hair cut tonight...we have cut her bangs before, but never the length of her hair, it was almost down to her bottom, and so very hard to take care of....this comming from a woman who doesnt brush her hair at all....hahaha...well, she gave us a fit everytime we tryed to brush her hair, so tonight i took about 4 inches off of it, and now it is really easy to looks good on her too...makes her look a little older....she spent the rest of the night twirling around the house showing off her new hair to daddy...hahaha...she is such a princess...
today i went to dillon to meet with jenny and brian, to go over thier birth plan. they are the sweetest people on this planet, im convinced....i went to a baby shower for jenny and baby carlisle yesterday, so i got a double dose of the smiley bunch....i wish i had a picture of jenny and brian to put on here so everyone could see them and thier big ole smiley faces....jennys favorite thing to say is "i love yall" the birth plan meeting went very well....i cant wait to see this baby, she is gonna be gorgeous.
tomorrow, back to work.....then home to clean my messy house again...ah the life of a saty at home mom....i think im gonna call charis tomorrow, and see if she would like to get together this week for a finding your tribe session....hahaha...ill have to post the little blerb that cindy posted for us on the forum about finding your was such good reading.

Finding Your Tribe: Feed Your Soul while Feeding Your Kids
By Teresa Pitman

Vicki and I are cleaning out her fridge. The vegetable bins have somehow warped and have to be jiggled out, revealing a slimy green pepper and a distinctly brown head of iceberg lettuce. Laughing at the disgusting items, Vicki holds open the lid of the compost bucket, and I dump in the veggie remains. A minute later my toddler wanders into the kitchen and tugs at my shirt. While I sit cross-legged on the floor and nurse her, Vicki washes out the bins and hands out crackers to her two children and my three year old. Then, with everyone fed and content for a few more minutes, we start on the next shelf of the fridge. By the end of the day, when our husbands arrive, we'll have cleaned the bathrooms, vacuumed all the floors, finished a couple of loads of laundry, and prepared a meal for both families to enjoy. And tomorrow we'll do it all over again at my house. I'm not exactly sure how Vicki and I first thought of this way of sharing our time. She had worked with my husband, and when she decided to stay home with her first baby, our friendship blossomed. My first child was born soon after, and we both discovered we were incredibly lonely. The day Vicki brought her daughter home from the hospital she walked into the house and burst into tears. She was terrified by the thought of coping alone with this new baby. I, too, had my own lonely days with my infant son. My husband left for work, taking our only car, before I was even out of bed. The day stretched out endlessly in front of me--changing diapers, washing
clothes, cleaning house--with at best the TV or radio as a substitute for adult company. During the cold Canadian winter, even getting outdoors was a challenge. Vicki and I were spending hours on the phone with each other, but that didn't help. So we hit on this new plan--on one day her husband would drop her off at my house on his way to work. We'd spend the day together, doing housework and caring for our children, and then at the end of the day her husband would come back to our house, and both families would have dinner together. The next day, I'd get dropped off at her house. The routine continued for several years as our babies grew into toddlers and preschoolers, and then new babies joined our families. We did not do this every single day, of course, and some days were more productive than others. Sometimes we spent several hours lying together in bed while our babies nursed and older children played on the floor. We talked and sometimes cried. Other days we took the bus to doctors' appointments or to do some shopping. We discovered that Vicki is a better cook, and I am a better baker. We developed our own categories of housework--I like "wet" work (washing dishes, laundry, washing floors), and she prefers the "dry" variety (vacuuming, sweeping, tidying). We complemented each other. And we always had someone to talk to, laugh with, hold a baby for a bathroom trip, give a hug. When I read Jean Liedloff's book The Continuum Concept, I realized that we had formed our own, very small tribe. Spending our days together satisfied our need for adult companionship without separation from our babies, and working together made all the chores--even cleaning disgusting stuff out of the bottom of the fridge--more fun. Eventually our husbands both found work in other communities, and our daily time together came to an end. But I had seen how important this kind of relationship is for me, and I deliberately tried to recreate it with other friends. Not long after Vicki and her family moved, I was at a church picnic when I saw Lorna for the first time. She and her family had just arrived in our mmunity.
Something about the way she held her baby was familiar to me, and I went up and introduced myself. She, too, was looking for a tribe, as she had recently moved away from her family. Soon my new friend Lorna and I got together every Thursday to bake bread (and sometimes other foods) for our families for the week. She had a bigger house and roomier kitchen, so we generally went there. We split the cost of the ingredients, and as our children played together (by then, I had
three children and Lorna had six), we kneaded and shaped the dough. While the bread was rising, we talked and tended to other tasks. I often brought a basket of things that needed mending, so we could work together while we were waiting. We were there when she miscarried her seventh baby, and she tended to my older children while I was giving birth to my fourth. I still think of Thursday as baking day, even though Lorna now lives hundreds of miles away. My children are almost grown, but I still work with parents. The theme of loneliness is as strong and prevalent as it was when I sat crying on my bed with my new baby, wondering how I'd cope with no one to talk to. Certainly the
desire to overcome isolation is one of the reasons why women return to work; it's a need easily understood by those of us who opt to stay home with our children. We truly are social animals; we need to be with other people to feel good, whole, and happy. It's worth the effort to create tribes, however small and imperfect they may be. Often we try to approach this problem by creating playgroups for our children. I think this has to do with our penchant for independence. We try to pretend
that we don't need to be around other people, but we acknowledge that our children do. The result is often that the playgroup meets the children's needs, but the adults are still frustrated. Create Your Own Tribe In my experience, there are three important components in finding or creating your own tribe (however small) in our very nontribal society. Spend a good deal of time together. Short visits are simply that--visits. Everyone is on his or her best behavior; there is a sense of one person being the host and the other person being the guest. The relationship is still distant. I know that when my sister comes to visit with her children, the first day is inevitably awkward. Even when she tries to help out around the house, she doesn't know where to find things, and I feel uncomfortable thinking that I should be the hostess and not imposing on her. By the second day, though, there is usually a shift. And by the third day we are happily working together and wishing we could live with each other all the time. What seemed hard on day one feels natural and enjoyable by day five. You need enough time to experience the rhythms of the day. You want to prepare food, eat, and clean up, and then perhaps nap together--adults and babies alike. You need to experience both talking and comfortable silences. It doesn't have to be several days in a row, although I think that helps, but even
one day a week will eventually give you that closeness. If it's true for my sister and I, with our strong family history and connection, I
think it is even truer for friends. We are not used to being in tribes, and yet we long for these connections; it is worth persisting until the awkwardness of the early days fades. Work together. This is one of the big differences between having a playgroup and "being tribal." The purpose is not for the children to be "socialized" or have fun (although both of those things will happen), it is for you and your
friend or friends to accomplish some tasks. The satisfaction of completing your work project--even if it is just cleaning the house or preparing a meal together--will strengthen your relationships and help you feel more like a functioning adult. One friend commented to me that cleaning house with someone seemed "too intimate." I suggested she start with meal preparation. Invite your friend's family over for dinner and then just ask her to chop some vegetables, stir the
sauce, or toss the salad. The food will taste better because you prepared it together. You can do other projects, too, such as the baking day Lorna and I enjoyed. I live near an old-order Mennonite community now, and the women frequently come together to can foods, make quilts, and complete other large projects. In fact, the whole community will gather to build barns and bring in the harvest.
Perhaps you and your friend can plant a garden, or you could have a
"mending session," or a time when everyone brings unfinished projects--
crafts, sewing, knitting, woodworking--to complete as a group.
How do you work with small children around? Other friends who have tried this say it can sometimes turn into one person watching the children while the other one works. This has happened to me, too, especially in the early stages when the children were still getting used to each other and a stranger's house. It also tends to happen with new moms, who take frequent nursing breaks and care for their infants.
But both of these impediments are temporary and improve over time. Slings and backpacks make it easier to work with a baby or toddler. There may be days when you feel as though you have not accomplished much thanks to a fussy baby or an older child who has had a difficult day. When this happens, remind yourself that life isn't about accomplishing as much as possible. It's about being together, working with and supporting each other. Try not to be too picky. People who actually live in tribes are born into them. And I suspect that if we lived in tribes there would be people who we would get along with easily and those with whom we wouldn't mesh quite as well. When we are looking for someone to be in our tribe, we are often searching for someone who will agree with us about everything, and we may pass by
some wonderful people by doing that. Vicki and I were initially drawn to each other because we were both young, living a long way from our families, and feeling very lonely. That was about it. We had different ideas about many other things. Her first baby was weaned to a bottle at three months, while mine kept nursing for more than two years, for example. In our discussions about parenting, religion, and politics, we always felt free to respectfully disagree. Respect, I would guess, is the key. It doesn't matter if one of you is a vegetarian and the other eats meat, as long as you can respect each other's choices. Are there places to draw the line? I think we all have our own limitations. I
know that I wouldn't be comfortable spending a lot of time with someone who spanks their children or is frequently angry with them. But I have been able to forge very good relationships with friends who had a different set of rules than I did. Vicki and I now live several hundred miles apart. I have since divorced, and she's started her own business. Yet our friendship is unshakeable. All of our children feel the same way. One day Vicki's oldest daughter--now in her 20s--showed up at my front door with a friend. When I enthusiastically invited them
in, she turned to her friend and said, "See? I told you she'd be happy to see me. I am like part of her family."
Teresa Pitman (44) is a full-time writer and has authored or co-authored ten books. She is the mother of Matthew (23), Lisa (21), Dan (19), and Jeremy(16). Pitman's most recent books are: Pregnancy and Birth: The Best Evidence (with Dr. Joyce Barrett) and Dr. Jack Newman's Guide to Breastfeeding (with Dr. Jack Newman).
this was the post that cindy sent to us...she is such a sweet mama....i really got a lot out of this, and hope to put it into practice to some degree like to get a hold of the book mentioned in above insert also....trip to the library on the itinerary tomorrow....check....hahaha...
well, enough for one night, that was a lengthy post to read over, off to bed for this mamasita....ill have to post the llama song next time, or post a link, it is soooo funny.....till the morning comes...itll do you fine.


Monday, January 09, 2006


might make baskets today, need to go run, need to clean up the messy house, need to do something other than sit in front of this we go.

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Sunday, January 08, 2006

super llama on the way

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thought id trow a little supper llama action in the mix....mwahahaha. tonight went well with steven and lots of stuff covered...i think it is gonna go fine....those guys are so talented i dont dont how it cant....
i still feel like a puffer fish...

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im such a geek, yes, i took time to find that picture of a puffer fish, and yes, it is in my photobucket now...gaaaaa...i need to go eat something...hahaha...
good night llamas, good night puffer fishes, good night all that is strange and slightly humorous in the world...sweet dreams.

b. a puffer fish.

i feel like a big ole puffer fish today...ahhhh steroids...i hate these things...only 2 more days...i dont think they actually did anything eccept help me put that 10 lbs i worked so hard to get off back on....arrrghhh....oh well. i think ill go to the therapist next week, get a new opinion...i think it has more to do with my actual spine....
this week has sort of rolle on past, not much happening....jim and i had a good chat about school the other day...thanks jim...i think im gonna enrole in the fall for looking forward to that class room smell, and being so bored in class that i write songs and poems....that is exactly what i need...hahaha. higher education here i come.
im meeting up with steven to go over some music tonight, i hope it goes well, ive got a list, but im open to excited to see how the show is gonna come together...i think im gonna get started on making a
"back drop" of sorts to take with me when i play shows....something made out of sticks, and vines...and little copper birds...or stars. we'll see...
tomorrow im meeting with the ladies to start the captivating study...i realy think it is gonna help in so many ways to connect. a sweet new mama charis is gonna join us, im ver excited she is joining us, she has such a uniqueness about her...very gentle, and real.
i feel so choppy today like a churned up ocean,Image hosted by just sort of crashing on things...beating out a rythm. but nothing i can make out....
i think ill go do some bead work and loose myself in a stitching daze....

strong like a feather.

Monday, January 02, 2006

another monday....

lilli and i ended up sleeping in a little bit today....8:30....for all of you parents you understand that 8:30 is deff. sleeping in....but i didnt get to sleep until 4 in the morning the night still awake now obviously, and a little having to take some nasty steroids to fix my nerves in my back, and they keep me up all night....arrrrggghhhh...i have to be at work at 4:30 tomorrow morning....but ill get a nap tomorrow hopefully...
im not realy looking forward to going back to work tomorrow...rock and i have been having lots of talks about what the heck im doing...which doesnt seem to be a whole lot right now...just making it through....sometimes that is all you need, but i feel very unproductive right now....i get up so early in the morning for work that i am tired the rest of the day, and i end up loafin with lilli doing much of nothing...we should be learning things, not very happy with my job right now either...but there are loyalty issues at hand, and im not sure what im going to do....i am thinking of going back to school for my massage therapy licence...i could have it done in lesss than a year if my work is willling to work with me on schedules....rock is very ready for me to start thinking about opening a community center with some friends of mine....make it an all purpose sort of place where people can come to be healthy in all, yoga, dance, music, arts, massage, tea, not sure if im ready to even think about it...i was trying to tell him that when there are so many people involved i dont want to have alot of thought into it, and then have to change everything after we all lay it out on the table, id rather go in with a clean plate, and "sample at the buffet" if you will...then figure out if i even want to be involved...i just hope that isnt a cop out....well see...
i start meeting with the ladies from work next week at the coffee very excited about this, we are doing a study of captivating...a book by staci eldridge about women's is a beautifully wirtten book....she has a lovely way of dispelling the myths of what it means to be a woman....a REAL the first few pages she speaks dirrectly to the center of all that i feel about my insecurities as a woman, wife, mother, friend....she talks about her own issues with our cultural ideas of womanhood, and how the "church" is really slacking in the area of grace....but instead puts us into the positions of having to be be be...something we can never add up to...."if you only do this, you will be enough, or if you can just get over this, you will have it together,....this is NOT the gospel....Yeshua holds me gently just like this. insecure, teetering, dizzy, and dreaded....we all are.....why not admit it...??? well maybe not all dreaded...i had the most awsome talk with my sweet sista tami when she was in town a few weeks ago on the way back from picking her up from the airport....she has been experiencing deep levels of hurt lately, and she had a lovely talk with a friend of hers, and she shared some of that truth with me....i reallllllly needed to hear it....she said,"we try so hard to compare our lives" at first i thought she was talking about comparing our lives with others, she quickly said'"to what we think we should be, where we think we should we should be facing things....when we should feel better....." oh yeah, i get it..."like i should feel better from this hurt after i........, or i should be over this situation by the time i am......" you get it?....her friend spoke pure truth to her, and said, "you might not ever get over it, but that is the point, it turns into a bit of who you are, it shapes your personality, the space you take up on the planet"...why do we try so hard to hold these things back when all we have to do is accept it, hold out our hands for support, and get back to the dirt of it....i love being broken, cause when something divine happens i can look at for what it is....not my doing....most of me falls through cracks...some of me is just sort of hanging on to my frame....of course to look at me, you would think that part is deffinetly on my hips....hahaha...
i guess i could go on for hours, seeing as how im not getting to sleep anytime soon, but im gonna scoot, and meander the halls of the cyber world for a while....
all my sprakelyinessssss

the naked dream....

ok, this is it, i stayed up last night making this up for you jim...i hope this finds you in good spirits, you seemed down at marianne's.

ok, so you are standing in your room, and you hear a knock at the door...knock knock your shock, it is an old friend from high can fill in who ever you want anyways, there is your friend...and sudenly, you realise you are butt are shocked, and a bit confused....because not only are you completely naked, but you are surrounded by small furry woodland creatures....taking all of this in, you look up to see the shock of your friends face only to realise what this must seem like to pause momentarily to take in the situation, rally any form of excuse you may have, and your friend politely shows themselves out, and leaves you to find your bearings.....the only thing you can think is "if only i had a roll of double sided sticky tape....all my troubles would come to an end..." while franticly looking about the bedroom for somesort of sticky tape the addhesive fairy floats through the corner window with out a sound and sticks 3 squirells to your very privatness....and a badger to your backside....and just because you seem to be the sort that might appreciate it 2 chipmunks to your chest....oh yes all thier stripey feeling much better about the sittuation, but not really sure why this is such a relief to now be wearing the animals as loin cloths of sorts. you see yourself out into the hall where your freind has been waiting for you to pull yourself you commence in the banter of this and that only to find that your friend has just come by to see if you are going to your 10 year are a little surprised because you know they will tell everyone else they ask about the little incident with the "critters"....and if that wasnt enough, you both realize that your friend also is now completely naked, and all that is left in the hall way is a jar of play-dough and a sharpey pin....what on earth will you do? wake up from you dream with a sudden jolt covered in a cold sweat from head to toe, confused and shaken....with tiny scratches across your chest and the faint smell of ferret in the air.....

the end.....

i hope you like it, and if it really what you dreamed, well, keep it to yourself....hahaha....happy new year jim....this is the first thing i did this year, make up a story for you at 12:0somethingorother in the morning...january 1st 2006....