Sunday, August 30, 2009

oldies but goodies

here are a few posts from previous blogs....
this first one is sort of nice because it is basically about what i am doing right now....back home in the mountains on a trip to see my girls....
what a lovely weekend...i was feeling the pull of the highway again, and jumped right .. many hitches, and complications. i decided to make a trip up to asheville to see a couple of my dearest sweetest yummiest friends. the highway is balm to my soul....i cant explain it, but i know some of you understand, and ill leave it at that....there is something to be said about driving so long that when you look up to the sky it starts to roll up in front of you too.....that is where i am home. i think clearer, i feel clearer, i LISTEN clearer....this last thing is the kicker. when i have no where else to go, except straight, no distractions, no is here that i must listen. and i always hear something.....things about being, about belonging, about enjoying, about up, letting go, reaching out, tucking in, burning car lurches to keep from catching on i drove up 20 to 26 where just out of spartanburg i see them......oh yes, them. the blueridge. my mother, my bed.......spring is starting to make her apearance very slowly.....little pink buds swish around on the scattered blooming trees.....and the rhododendrons that are always green sit like old cats swishing their tails along the broken hill sides. i am blood in a vein, i am a peice of drift wood in a river...and i have no choice but to move on.....even after 68 oz. of water i must drive on through the urge to i met up with my sweet girls, and dove on out to ashville to stock up on yummy things to eat.....raw goodness at its finest.....ahhhhhhh......then off to meet my fabulously inginuitive, highly effecient, sweet cantaloup lovin’ feller friend jerud......for all the sweet asheville mama’s looking for a dude who will do you no me, and i will certianly pimp this one out......jerud put new tubes and tires on my bike, and outfitted me with a cute little bike rack on the back, and made all the wonderful adjustments it would need to make me a stylin’ cyclin’ was good to see him. and i learned all sorts of interesting things about calibrations, and gears, and angles.....did i mention he is an engineer?so from there back to the girly homefront where all the weight of the world sits just waiting to be un-loaded onto the backs of those who can carry it lightly, and gently for us....with out judgement, with out assumptions. my soul women.....the only thing missing was girl, know you were missed.....we stayed out late, and woke up early to the sound of carla giggling about becky being on the sure i looked funny with just my big ball of dreadlocks hanging out of the blankets....trying to block out the morning sun that was telling me it was time to wake up....."time for your superfood beck! wakey wakey!"we drove up to see mary’s new place they are working is absolutely beautiful....the view....well....i guess if i wanted to stare into the heart of the blue ridge every morning i guess it would be alright.....back to the house to piddle with nat’s hair, and go for a test ride on my newly pimped out butter on a hot knife.then it was time to greet my silvery friend again, and let it carry me back home to my family. and it did just that.....4 hours, and one bad cup of coffee later i twisted my weary muscle back into my house to find my 6 month old crawling across the floor to eat her daddy’s shoes.....and my 5 year old crawling over everything in her path to greet me.....rock sat big grin, messed up back.....glad to have someone there to put the baby to i did....i shifted skins, slid out of the fire suit that held me so on spirit.....burning away the edges to expose only more edges........and floated up and down until i found my way into the skin that holds me so genlty most days.....the skin that feels like mine...the skin that looks like mine, the skin that sits sort of crooked, and wrinkles a little when i can hold babies without waking them up to the sound of crackling ashes. and it hammocks the rage, hurt, and emmenseness that the fire suit lets drop so easliy.....this skin lets me sleep. this skin lets me feel gravity, it reminds me to eat when i am hungry, and that my kids need me. i like this skin......i need the other......both are beautiful, and i hope to honor Him with them both. they are not my own. here i am now......a long weekend past. still tired, and here i go

this next one is a blog for my girl ranny....the title....desperate housewives....

so that is what ranny and i have decided we are.....not in a television broadcast sort of way, but i see it as a i need my girlfriend to help me get through, non-dramatic, easy going, keep me from pulling out my hair sort of way. and Ranny is the perfect freind for this nasty nasty job of keeping me sane....i have yet to meet a more lovely mama who is so willing to take what ever life gives her, and make it sweet....she is not delusional, just a true optimist at her finest. i can call her most days, and within minutes one of us has packed up the kids, and has taken the very short walk from one house to the others....where no frontdoors are ever locked, and no knocks are neccesary. the next thing we know the kids have scurried off out the back door to climb in trees, or wreck a bedroom, and we dont hear from them until they are hungry or tired, or to show off the coolest new things they learned to do with jump-ropes....jun is inevitably scooting under foot, or slung over one of our hips, depending on who is making the salad for the day. we pass our time passing stories back and forth about all sort of randomness, from work, to backporch epiphanies....(bathroom epiphanies are more my forte’) but something important always gets said.....wether it is realised at the time or not....i always walk away from a day with Ranny feeling a little stronger, accepted, lighter, and most importantly loved......i am able to bounce any sort of idea off of her, with out any fear of judgement. and to boot she is one heck of a barista....!!!! mmmmmmmm.....a few years ago i posted a blog about finding our tribes as was based on this very pertinent article... my idea of a tribe still was idealy picturesque of half naked women huddled daily around camp fire stirring a large pot of something perfumed with curry, or lugging babies, and baskets up mountians to gather berries, and collard greens, the truth of the matter is it was just going to look like me in my every day here in my house or someone elses....and that was ok. so i tried to find my tribe, met with various mothers on several occasions, tried to make time to start community.....but all of my attempts failed for one reason or another....i was not looking when Ranny and her girls turned into quite literally my tribe sisters....i am so grateful to have her in my life i have no way to expess it, other than to adore the time we have every couple days crafting, eating, laughing, and learning. so to Ranny my tribal chillin’, salad slingin’, coffee brewing, jive talkin’ chilli are precious to me....may we all find women in our lives to help us through, to help us see, and to make us laugh.....this is my prayer for us all....may we find our tribe.

this last one was a blog about worship

a couple of folks at the fellowship where we go on sundays called a great meeting of the minds a few months ago to discuss a gathering of the people to worship, oh yes i am going ot say it, JESUS! if you dont know me yet, i am in love with some jeshua!!! i will jump at any chance to tell you love stories about him and myself. but most of you who know me know i am not quick to jump into calling myself a "christian" either.....please dont be offended by that, i dont mean it in an offensive sort of way.....what i do find offensive is the churchianity that our culture is trying to sell to us as a plastic packaged form of something that may have at one time resembled something like true faith.....(becky steps down off of soapbox...)it makes my heart break to think of all of the folks who have utterly refused to even think through it because of the scars that have been left on them by the falacy of the modern church of jesus christ incorporated......anyways so we gathered to discuss a one night a month "worship" service where we could let the church use all of its gifts to worship Jesus.....i had the unbelievable chance to worship with chalk on a big ole piece of paper....i used to get my hand smacked for drawing in church, now i was getting to do it as a form of worship to the one i LOVE!!!! hellooooo....the whole place fell away, and it was just the spirit and was telling me what to draw for it.....i could let go of any control i had over it, and let it the time the music had faded, i was covered with chalk from head to toe.....and it felt like i had been hit by a holy mack truck.....there is no way to discribe what goes on in that speak a new language, you feel a new way, you are transformed, the world falls away.....but i want to understand this in a fuller sence. we are made ot worship....whether we realise we are doing it or not....every breath we take, every cell that dies, and is replaced by a burst of new life, every thought, every groan of our soul.....we worship.....we cant escape it....we may not recognise it while it is happening....but we are, it is......i can not do anything without a backing force....i can not make my heart beat, i can not inhale to take my next breath, i can not keep my muscles on my bones by sheer will.....these things are not of me....every moment a master peice is being acted out on my body, on every body, in everything.....each second brings a new explosion of being, and in that, you got it......worship. it is the crying out of the creation to the creator.....expressnig itself as it is.....just how it is....we are.....i am not writting this to preach, if you dont believe Jeshua is the son of G*D , or even if you dont believe in a G*D, i am not a bible thumper....but this is my faith....that the Ancient of Ancients from past the edge of all, created, loved, manifested itself, taught, healed, sacrificed, and broke all the chains that bind doesnt have to make sence on a grand scale....actually sometimes i stand back, and laugh at it.....but it is beautiful.....and i accept this, because i can not deny it. the spirit of the Unfathomable has met me here gathered me up, and given me a place. and i will Worship............................................b.

No comments: