Friday, December 24, 2010

slow down and heal up.

so i am going to lay it all out!
i am broken.
i dont have it all together....(not that anyone was ever convinced i did.)
i suffer from severe bouts of depression, that come and go as they see fit. and always at the most inopportune times.
i am pretty sure that i could win the worst mother award on any given day.
i am scared.
i embarrass myself often.
i need a whole bunch of everything
this list could go on for a while......

but the problem with this list is that all the lines start with i. now, to be completely honest that fact just makes me want to add another line to the list, but i have to stop.
it doesnt matter. we are all broke up!!!! just some of us hide it better than others.....i just happen to be as transparent as a freaking fish tank now a days.
somehow the list needs to change from being ruled by the me's and put to rest by the HIM.
he has extended grace for all of this. and when the time comes to change things up i have to have faith that not only can it be changed but He will equip me with what i need!
i need a lot right now. i do. honest. but i dont think He thinks any less of me, or loves me even an ounce less than he does when i dont feel like i need so much. in fact when my kids need something desperately it may seem i love them more, because i get to make my love manifest.
so right now i am giving up. i am slowing down, i am holding out my hands, i am asking for healing and restoration.........with no apologies.

time to slow down and heal up!


Libby said...

Oh I hear you on this one. Here is a verse that I came across again this week, that I am tryig to learn to live by...and I emphasize "trying"!!
John 3:30 "He must become greater, must become less."

gillian said...

you are preaching to the choir girlfriend! i think all of us mommas, (and those that aren't mommas too) feel the same way, on any given, if not every day! thank you for laying it out there for me and others to we can know we're not alone! i loves you and miss your face!

MadHatter said...

I. love. you.