so call me a liar!

yes, i said i would be coming back today with an illustrated depiction of my last week, but alas.....i have something better to write about today, that involves snot and stuff....so hold on.

so some background....(isnt it funny how simple things can go years back)

years ago, and i mean like over a freakin decade....yes, i am old enough for that, i was found....yep found by love. and when i say love i mean like a Holy Spirit baptism, Jesus in my heart kind of found. the only desire in my heart was to buy a bus, go on the rainbow trail, and wash dirty hippies feet....i mean that in the most literal way. i wanted to have a camp where you could come, eat, rest, download, and have someone wash your sore tired feet, cause well, i believed what Jesus said about being servants. and that was where my heart wanted to serve....if you are looking perplexed wondering what the heck the rainbow trail is please go here.....(i wish i knew how to make a hyperlink) http://www.welcomehome.org/rainbow/main.html

okay, so fast forward a bit, i never hit the trail, i was young, naive, insecure, and fearful of the unknown of life on the road. even though i was CONSTANTLY reminded that our Father will take care of us no matter what! please note, being taken care of doesnt always mean being fed or covered or wealthy or even liked. but it does mean we will be FULL, BLESSED, RICH, and LOVED!

so fast forward a bit more, life has made its own trail, and i love this trail, it has brought me here, do i wish i had hit the woods? somedays.....would i change anything right now? not a chance. okay, im lying again.....hehe.

so through the years i have become sort of numb to the fact that God can sustain us, even though He shows me these things every single day in some way shape or form....seriously, he spoke through dog food just a couple of weeks ago, im a slow learner. it is easier to live pay check to pay check putting our faith in the dollar, that it will be there, and when it isnt we collapse.

the past few weeks have been very hard, because i dont feel right here, i feel misplaced. i go numb easily because it is easy to work hard, get stuff done, go to bed and start all over again. my faith in Jah is put on hold and my faith in the system grows, leaving me wanting, and withered. i can see it happening and cant make sense of this held up the knowledge that no matter what HE WILL TAKE CARE OF ME!!!!! and better yet, MY FAMILY!!!!! i have been feeling like there is no place for this in our mainstream society, no living from one moment to the next, and i was getting frustrated. until today.

wed. is payday for me. we have been tight lately, who hasnt right???? i go to the bank, count out the tithes, put some money in an almost over-drafted account, and head to the grocery store knowing whatever i need to buy this week needs to stay under approximately $15, but i have a family to feed, and of course the dog food is gone, cause well, that is the way it works ALWAYS!!!! so i walk in get the essentials, on sale, and make my way to the line.....a sweet soul sister that we have known for years in standing in front of me in line...pays for her groceries, then turns around as i am unloading, and looks at me all perplexed.....she says, " do you have a discount card?" i tell her i do, and she asks me to put it away, she has one and she is paying for my groceries.....!!!!! this is where the snot comes in, cause i turned into a blubbering 3 year old in the middle of isle 1, i kid you not, the bagger was very concerned for me, bless his heart! so she pays for my groceries, minus the dog food because i feel it is my spiritual duty to buy dog food now, (dont judge me) hugs me and walks out. here i am still crying wishing i had windshield wipers on my broken glasses as i walk out of the door.

my sweet friend blessed me in ways i can not possibly begin to explain to her, but what blows me away like a freaking hurricane is that i know she was acting on the beautiful voice of our Daddy, and the fact that He cares enough about me and my family to bless us today just shakes me to my core!!!! man He is good at that stuff!!!! and in all of this, He is reminding me to listen to that still voice that has been calling me to bless someone in particular for a while now. i just havent had the faith or the means to do it. one has to hear and heed that voice to understand when its hand gives to you. does that make sense?

anyways i worked in the snot, so i have held up on my end of this post. whoever is reading this I LOVE YOU! my love is broken, but i would love to wash your feet.

b.