cake or death.....

so at the risk of sounding all narcissistic, i must blog about the excitement in my life right now.....this weekend i went to the regional rba competition, and WON!!!! therefore, i shall be heading to las vegas to compete in the national cake decorating competition. HOLLA!
here are the cakes i made durring the 3 hour competition this weekend.

what to do when your friend moves away.

*quick awkward hug.
*get in car.
*put in CD.
*turn up music real loud.
*drive like you are angry at the road.
*avoid hitting pedestrians.
*get groceries (because it is therapeutic).
*drive the same road home.
*keep singing loudly.
*cry.
*make a list in your head of all the things you wish you could say........
*pray for friend.
*get home.
*get out of car.

please note this is not the order these things must go in, only the order in which i worked them out tonight.

sooner than i thought....

so like i was saying.......

guitar.

cake.

camp.

solitude.

hoop.

an update....well not really.

sorry i have been MIA. i have been getting back into my working routine....bahhhhh! i have also been keeping very busy with a life full of wonderful things to keep me smiling. per request of sara i shall be taking pictures, and in the next few days i shall make a blog post with only pictures! how bout that?!? see you then.

a girl, camping. alone.

yes, earlier this week my family dropped me off in jones gap with a tent, a hula hoop, and a whole lot of time. when i told people that was what i was doing for vacation there were mixed emotions about it, from "that is going to be so nice" to "wont you be lonely?" to "what! a girl in the woods, alone!!!!". this is what i found was the actual feelings i had about the situation once i got there.....

all of the above.

yes, it was so unbelievably fantastic to sit on "my sitting rock" in the middle of the river for an hour or two, without being talked to, looked at, asked of. it was fun to scamper up the hill to find my fire wood. i felt great achievement as i started up one of my famous camp fires in less than 1 minute. i soaked in the sounds, smells, and textures of the deep woods. watched ants run from spiders, spiders run from frogs, frogs run from me. i ate fruit fruit and more fruit. walked the trail to get water about 6 times a day, and drank all of it. i felt clean, even though my body was filthy from top to bottom. my hair was gross, my face covered in ash, and my feet were beautifully coated with all sorts of dirt, twigs and soot. my clothes, which consisted of a bathing suit top and my tore to pieces camp pants, were permeated with the heavenly scent of wood smoke, and the aroma de becky. i am not going to lie, it was great. but it was also scary. i was made aware of the fact that i sort of live with fear on a day to day basis.... granted there is some rational behind being slightly more aware of your vulnerabilities when you are all alone in the woods. i wasnt worried about bears, or bob cats, i was worried about predators of the human persuasion. see i like to think i am a self sufficient, do it all, get it done, i dont need your help kinda gal. to an extent i am, but there is great comfort in knowing that someone has got your back.

i had been alone for a while, not spoken to a soul, just me and the river. loneliness had crept in, and i wanted to welcome it for a change. i wanted to ask it some questions.....

just above my camp site on the trail is a little ridge that kept me from seeing over the trail. as the dusk set in and the smoke from the fire rolled over the boulders, i ran a mental inventory of the people in my life past and present. i saw each person walk over the ridge and into my campsite. i wanted to know what i honestly felt about each person, and why i wanted them there, or not.

i know all of this sounds stupid, but it was very therapeutic for me in a way. i saw my husband walk the trail, and i knew instantly i was safe. i was loved. i saw my friends come into my campsite one by one, and they brought new dimension, each one. i saw old love walk in and out. it was easy to let them go in peace. then as i sat there i realized that the one person i really wanted to walk over the ridge more than anything in the whole world was Jesus. i couldnt see him, i just knew it. the answer to all of my questions, the love that surpasses all loves, the comfort, the strength, the healing. i went to bed all by myself that night, but i wasnt lonely. yes, i was in the woods all by myself, but i knew that even if no one ever walked over the ridge again He had promised to never leave me or forsake me.

i had crazy dreams about raccoons all night. woke up stoked the fire back up for breakfast, and enjoyed another day of sitting in the sun on a river rock. read the last bit of the book i have been putting off for months, hula hooped, sat some more, stood up for a bit, and even went on a hike. i was glad to meet my family when they got back to get me. i felt refreshed, and rejuvenated. i knew there was a reason why i felt such a deep need for time in the wilderness. i am especially glad that i got it.

now to remember.

today.....

today freakin' rocked!!!!

new blog!!!!!

i have decided to set up a new blog completely devoted to hooping and all things awesome!!!!so basically hooping and the killing of zombies..... except minus the killing of zombies. well maybe i could figure out how to kill zombies with my hoop.....hmmmmmmmm...? anyways.....so go here if you want hula hoop goodness, and follow my ridiculous journey if you dare.

ps. my husband totally got me the zombie combat manual today, and i love him a whole bunch for it. im sure he will love me a whole bunch when i fight off a million zombies with just a swiss army knife one day. thanks babe!

ALOT!!!!

today across town my friend b. is getting a new puppy!!!! and i am excited for three reasons

1. he is getting a puppy.

2. he is naming it "ALOT".

3. he has bestowed me with the great honor of being the dogs "goshmother" i would say godmother, but i dont think it works that way.

the reason why this is the best ever is because of this. please go read this, it will make you smile in a big way

so welcome to town ALOT! i cant wait to meet you!

for the record.....

the i cam on my mac puts about 15 extra pounds on my ass!!!! seriously, i am standing here in front of a mirror and i dont look like what you are getting ready to see. but alas.....so i have been chatting about this hooping thing, and figured id make a little video....so here it is. i am in my living room, and had just destroyed my ceiling fan light pull, so i am being very timid with my movements. if i was outside i would be jumping, spinning, pumping, and grinning. i hope to get a chance to video some more of the stuff i am learning, but like i said i am inside, and cant get the range of motion i need for some of the more fun tricks. also i hope to post some pics of the new hoops, i made a really fun weighted hoop today, that is sure to kick my butt and make me shed a few extra pounds in the process....cause evidently according to this video i have gained all the weight i lost.....but i call its bluff.....! oh yes by the way i do go all super girl flying back into the room after i roll that bad boy down the hall....just sayin', watch for it.....:)

10 things

it is list time.

and i need to remind myself again that there are things that i like right now.

ready? please note these are thing i like today, and are subject to change at any moment, well, cause that is how i roll.

1. hula hooping, and i mean i like it in a big way, like if i wasnt married, and it was a human i would marry it. pretty much!

2. playing the piano. i play like a two fingered armadillo but i like it anyways.

3. being asked to sing on the worship team at newspring. seriously it makes my day.

4. making hula hoops.....see number 1.

5. the smell of grilling food. nough said.

6. water

7. my friend brandon is getting a new puppy soon, and might name it ALOT.

8. did i mention hula hooping?

9. my avocado tree.

10. rainbow and kittens, no just kidding, well yeah i like those too. but i like llamas better.

so call me a liar!

yes, i said i would be coming back today with an illustrated depiction of my last week, but alas.....i have something better to write about today, that involves snot and stuff....so hold on.

so some background....(isnt it funny how simple things can go years back)

years ago, and i mean like over a freakin decade....yes, i am old enough for that, i was found....yep found by love. and when i say love i mean like a Holy Spirit baptism, Jesus in my heart kind of found. the only desire in my heart was to buy a bus, go on the rainbow trail, and wash dirty hippies feet....i mean that in the most literal way. i wanted to have a camp where you could come, eat, rest, download, and have someone wash your sore tired feet, cause well, i believed what Jesus said about being servants. and that was where my heart wanted to serve....if you are looking perplexed wondering what the heck the rainbow trail is please go here.....(i wish i knew how to make a hyperlink) http://www.welcomehome.org/rainbow/main.html

okay, so fast forward a bit, i never hit the trail, i was young, naive, insecure, and fearful of the unknown of life on the road. even though i was CONSTANTLY reminded that our Father will take care of us no matter what! please note, being taken care of doesnt always mean being fed or covered or wealthy or even liked. but it does mean we will be FULL, BLESSED, RICH, and LOVED!

so fast forward a bit more, life has made its own trail, and i love this trail, it has brought me here, do i wish i had hit the woods? somedays.....would i change anything right now? not a chance. okay, im lying again.....hehe.

so through the years i have become sort of numb to the fact that God can sustain us, even though He shows me these things every single day in some way shape or form....seriously, he spoke through dog food just a couple of weeks ago, im a slow learner. it is easier to live pay check to pay check putting our faith in the dollar, that it will be there, and when it isnt we collapse.

the past few weeks have been very hard, because i dont feel right here, i feel misplaced. i go numb easily because it is easy to work hard, get stuff done, go to bed and start all over again. my faith in Jah is put on hold and my faith in the system grows, leaving me wanting, and withered. i can see it happening and cant make sense of this held up the knowledge that no matter what HE WILL TAKE CARE OF ME!!!!! and better yet, MY FAMILY!!!!! i have been feeling like there is no place for this in our mainstream society, no living from one moment to the next, and i was getting frustrated. until today.

wed. is payday for me. we have been tight lately, who hasnt right???? i go to the bank, count out the tithes, put some money in an almost over-drafted account, and head to the grocery store knowing whatever i need to buy this week needs to stay under approximately $15, but i have a family to feed, and of course the dog food is gone, cause well, that is the way it works ALWAYS!!!! so i walk in get the essentials, on sale, and make my way to the line.....a sweet soul sister that we have known for years in standing in front of me in line...pays for her groceries, then turns around as i am unloading, and looks at me all perplexed.....she says, " do you have a discount card?" i tell her i do, and she asks me to put it away, she has one and she is paying for my groceries.....!!!!! this is where the snot comes in, cause i turned into a blubbering 3 year old in the middle of isle 1, i kid you not, the bagger was very concerned for me, bless his heart! so she pays for my groceries, minus the dog food because i feel it is my spiritual duty to buy dog food now, (dont judge me) hugs me and walks out. here i am still crying wishing i had windshield wipers on my broken glasses as i walk out of the door.

my sweet friend blessed me in ways i can not possibly begin to explain to her, but what blows me away like a freaking hurricane is that i know she was acting on the beautiful voice of our Daddy, and the fact that He cares enough about me and my family to bless us today just shakes me to my core!!!! man He is good at that stuff!!!! and in all of this, He is reminding me to listen to that still voice that has been calling me to bless someone in particular for a while now. i just havent had the faith or the means to do it. one has to hear and heed that voice to understand when its hand gives to you. does that make sense?

anyways i worked in the snot, so i have held up on my end of this post. whoever is reading this I LOVE YOU! my love is broken, but i would love to wash your feet.

b.

i am drawing....

i am in the process of drawing this past week out for a blog post, so just get ready for the freak show to begin.....to be continued soon.....

so today i.......

was working, and you know doing that cake making thing, when i was overwhelmed

with the insatiable urge to make a hula hoop....any of you who know me are not

surprised by this in the slightest......so here i am, fumbling through the yellow pages

to find some prize jewel, some glimmer of hope for the ever sought out 1" 100 psi

tubing.....

no, not that kind, the irrigation kind....it is what hoops are made of in the wild

evidently.so i call all sorts of places, irrigation places,

plumbing places, hardware

places, candy stores (okay, maybe i wasnt looking for

tubing then), you get the

picture.....and everywhere i calledi was all like

and then they were all like......NO! so i cried a little

inside.....dont worry i

got better. so anyways i look to my

decorating mentor and say "oh dear

decorating mentor, i am in a bind,i need tubing!" and she was all like.....

and i was like.....um...na, the other kind. and she

asked me

"what cha need it for?"

at which time i explained to her i was a ninja and

couldnt reveal my secrets.

she accepted said explanation and suggested i try

the one place i had not

looked......so i picked up the phone and called sort of waiting for the let down....

the nice lady answered and i bleated from the other end of the line.....

"do you have tubing?"

and she was all like......

and i was all like, "no the irrigation kind" and the

voice on the other end rang out like a heavenly

bell!!!!!!

YES!

and i was all......

WHAAAAAAAAAAAT!!!!!

so here in our little town resides the famous ever so hard to find 1" 100

psi tubing that all hoop makers covet, and get this

for only $25 for 100

feet!!!!! so when i got off of work, yes, a very hard

productive day of work......

(dont judge me)

i went to find the "hula grail".

came home with a load of tubing

(no, not that kind)

and big dreams!!!!! i sat down at my work bench

and whittled out 2 glorious hula hoops! ill post

pictures later.

but after my hoop making i was all like

and that made me pretty much feel like this......

the end.

more a question than a statement.

i am going to be completely honest here, I AM TIRED! not in a i need to go to bed sort of way, but in a I NEED A FREAKIN' BREAK sort of way. vacations are too few and way too far between. and sometimes "vacation" just dont spread the butter. i keep reading in scripture where Jesus went into the wilderness to basically recollect. so here is the question....how does a full time working, wife, mother of 2, doer of things slip out and into the wilderness to rest her weary bones and recollect? or do our bones really not matter, and should we pick ourselves up by our boot straps and keep on truckin? i am pretty sure we do matter. but that's all i got.

weary,

b.

just a note from the queen......

of insecurity that is....

just a friendly reminder that we all know and love people with insecurities.....some hide them well, some not so much, but we keep on loving them right???? i mean in big ways. because we can see them for who they are....so here is the thing.....for those of us with insecurities.......the people who love us, feel pretty much the same way....they still love us. yep....let it soak in. ahhhhhh......how was that?

while insecurities hold us back, we still have them, and gotta deal with them. take your time, pray it through. we will do stupid things that give us away, but just keep on truckin'! i am a firm believer in the fact that we arent presented with a problem unless it is able to be fixed. and i am also a firm believer in the fact that i cant fix anything, so, well. but here is the promise.....ready......no actually you go find it yourself....go read philippians 1:3-5.

ill talk about this more later. but i must go find beth moore's new book about the subject first or else toni will have to pray for my soul forever. hehe.

yall love hard, love real, love right!

write a song.

you,

you are prime for a song

to be written about

you.

full of the promise

of rhymes

rhythm.

a three step

with a swing.

the kind

that makes me want to

wear a full skirt,

that sweeps at my feet,

and spin round the kitchen

yes,

that kind.

that first verse

would come on sweet

like magnolia

lemony and fresh.

easy baby....

let it ride.

then drilled right to your heart

that burst.

that blood.

that chorus line,

that paints you

like a sunrise,

bright,

brilliant,

luminescent.

ahhhhh.

twist on your heels

ride the refrain

all the way

down

down

down.

i know you

burning my heart.

and you are prime

for a song.

a song to be written

about

you.

dear crappy day, you were crappy....im glad you are almost done.

so yeah, dear crappy day, i hate you, get out of my face.

that pretty much sums up my day. it was one of those days when i woke up tired, rolled into work, someone was out, my name was repeated like a broken record about 3000 times, all the while my brain is reeling at about 4 billion miles an hour, and i am convinced i am the most broken, selfish, worthless, poopiehead ever! so i do what i got to do, try real hard to smile, make a few stupid phone calls that just make me feel even more like a acne ridden 13 year old (no offense to 13 year olds i promise), then i throw down my towel.... literally, and state that "I AM GOING HOME!!!!" so i did.......it was about the time i got home i realized i had not eaten a bit of food since lunch the day before, and the fact that i had about 5 hours of sleep under my belt didnt help matters.....so i had a talk with the Lord about taking better care of my body, and went to bed! after a 2 hour nap i was feeling better, but still hungry, so i picked up the kids, and got something to eat.....ran a few errands, and came back home to cook dinner......then hooped it up with lilli, now i am lounging in my bed whilst my husband puts the baby to bed......well crap, turns out it was a good day after all......awww hell, now i cant complain anymore......so.....

dear tomorrow,

after i get a good nights sleep, eat breakfast and get to work where people only call out my name a billion times because they know i have their back, and will help them out, and after i eat lunch with my sweet friends, and hold my kids, and kiss my husband, and freak out about how i still dont know the songs i should know by now for sunday........please be understanding. i am far from having this stuff figured out. i do stupid things, say stupid stuff, trip over my own feet, and all sorts of rif raf seems to follow me about. but that is okay, cause i am not in charge and because well, you werent mine to begin with, and you wont be mine in the end. i just happened to be in you because something really big wanted me here.....and you just happened to happen cause that same something really big saw it fit for you to be here too, so that makes us sort of like family. and i like that.

see you tomorrow, tomorrow,

b.

HAAAAAAAAAAAALP!

i am having a very hard time with something, so haaaalp me out here.

reading through the book of Mark a couple of days ago i come across something i am sure i have read before but that day out of no where decided to show up at my Jesus party, and throw down a big ole bag of "whatdidyoujustsay?"

all right so....here is the scripture.

Mark 7:24-30

²⁴Jesus left that place and went to the vicinity of Tyre. He entered a house and did not want anyone to know it; yet he could not keep his presence secret. ²⁵In fact, as soon as she heard about him, a woman whose little daughter was possessed by an evil spirit came and fell at his feet.²⁶The woman was a Greek, born in Syrian Phoenicia. She begged Jesus to drive the demon out of her daughter.

²⁷"First let the children eat all they want," he told her, "for it is not right to take the children's bread and toss it to their dogs."

²⁸"Yes, Lord," she replied, "but even the dogs under the table eat the children's crumbs."

²⁹Then he told her, "For such a reply, you may go; the demon has left your daughter."

³⁰She went home and found her child lying on the bed, and the demon gone.

mmmmmmmmm.kay......anything stand out at ya here? i have been battling with this bit of "in my face" for days now. i have cried about this because my insides hurt so bad over it. i have had some bits of understanding coming and going, but really i just want to see what others may have to say about it. so what do you think? did Jesus just call that woman a dog? haaaaaaaalp!

check yo self!

so today is mothers day. yep....yay us. "achem" (clears throat, wipes tear from eye). well, i am here with my kids and dad is gone....i am still dealing, dont let my over enthusiasm for the day fool you....no serious.....anyways.

so today is "thanktheLorditischurchday" we have been attending newspring church......(go to www.newspring.cc) for a few months now, and we freakin love it! so anyways i have been confronted with something so revolutionary, so spectacular, so unbelievably life changing......you ready......no really? i can act fool for Jesus in church because those people understand. okay, did you get that? it seems simple, but it really isnt. see, so here is my background. i am a preachers kid. i know (insert stupid remark about stereotypical preachers kids here).....ok, now take stupid remark and stick it in your ear....na, just keep it to yourself, stereotypes dont help anybody. so back to my point....i have never felt free to be in church service, i actually feel freer to get wild in worship in my car. why is this you may ask? well....when you grow up in very fundamental churches where stepping out of line is sacrilege you begin to actually believe it is truth...and the people you should be able to be free with, because they understand become a room full of pointing fingers and glaring eyes.....please understand i dont think this is the way it is in all churches, but you know you have probably been in one or two. but for the past couple of weeks i have been dealing with this, just enjoying the movement of the spirit. there are mornings i want to dance, and laugh, but my self holds me back.....silly self. but it is like perry noble said a while back, the people here are supposed to be for us. we dont have to hide our passion for Christ here. i dont want to hide my passion for Jesus anywhere! now, here is the kicker, if there is one thing i have learned in this life it is that, we only see in others what we understand in ourselves, so if i feel like people might be judging my actions or considering me foolish for worshiping the Lord it is....ba! ba! baaa!.......BECAUSE I AM INCLINED TO JUDGE OTHERS! ooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. check myself! that is right, i am not guilt free here! it is my own judgement that is holding me back. so this is where it begins, me being made aware of my own judgmental tendencies, and giving them up to be refined.....im done with that mess, in whatever form it has been manifesting in my life.....i love being poked at with the spirit stick....know why? because that means something is gonna happen.....i freakin' Love the hope we have in Jesus!

so this week, i plan to worship selflessly, and enjoy others expressing their love and passions, however wacky it may seem. why? because i wanna love like Jesus!

b.

booootay'licious.

oh yes, that is right, i joined the gym today....but not just any ole gym, the women's only fitness world. the amazing giraffe and i joined together tonight, and i cant be more excited about working out with her on a regular basis! so first thing tonight was zumba, if you know me in real life you know i love zumba!!!! i was worried that it wouldn't be what i was used to, my zumba instructor from the other gym is the absolute best ever!!!!! she holds the bar high!!! now let me set the stage for you for this evenings zumba session. picture an open floor, mirrors stretching from left to right, ceiling to floor..... mirror encrusted pillars in the center of the dance floor.....a beautiful muscled, yet curvy woman cusses at the cd player and goes back and forth between hard core hip hop songs, and latin dance rhythms....i am situated in the back right corner.....you would notice me immediately....why you ask? well because i am as white as vanilla ice. oh yes, the women here are dark and lovely and have come to shake things that i was not born with on my body. the music starts pumping, booties are shakin.....the teacher instructs us to "loosen up" i am afraid if her hips loosen any more they will dislocate, and as i undulate my hips back and forth i sort of remind my self of a large piece of cardboard being bent the wrong way over and over again....i spend the first few minutes just laughing at myself, and noticing that the older lady in front of me has joined me in my laugh.....i LOVED it! there were songs about alcoholics, songs about shaking your money maker, even a prince song.....oh yes, i danced hard to that one.....a few latin based songs that we salsa'd, and cha cha'd to. the teacher threw on a coin belt and shimmied her way to glistening sweat.....oh yes, i will be wearing mine on thursday, you can count on it.....!

anyways, work out, gym, zumba, sweat, the bestest work out buddy a gal could ask for, and a cheap membership......what a good night.

now to get ready for the hurt that awaits me tomorrow morning......ah, it is so worth it!